Childhood Fears

August 18, 2007

I read a touching story this morning:

‘Hurricane’ girl tries to ride to Ohio

Fri Aug 17, 8:01 PM ET

An 8-year-old girl who recently moved to Florida caused a panic when she tried to ride back home to Ohio on her bicycle out of fear of hurricanes. A sheriff’s helicopter, search dogs and neighbors found the girl after an hour-long search Wednesday night.

"It is amusing but at the same time sad," DeLand police Deputy Chief Randel Henderson said.

According to a police report, Heather Snoke told investigators "that she was headed back to Columbus Ohio, because she was afraid of hurricanes and that was her home."

Heather was riding her bicycle in front of her home Wednesday, mother Melissa Snoke, 37, told police. Twenty minutes later, the girl’s father, John Snoke, 41, came home and noticed Heather was gone.

While the mother called police, John Snoke drove around the neighborhood looking for his daughter but did not find her.

DeLand police arrived and began a search, aided by tracking dogs and a Volusia County sheriff’s helicopter. A homeless camp also was searched.

No charges are pending, Henderson said. "There was no abuse. There was no neglect. It’s a happy story. We’re just so excited we were able to find this little lady."

I have an 8-year-old daughter. I can put it all in perspective. The panic the parents felt - feeling their dear daughter had been abducted by some horrible person (they’ve read/heard the news stories I have). As a parent, this is your worst nightmare. I am trilled to hear that it had a "happy ending," of course.

Yet what about the fear of the girl? How do you address the fear of a child that is so severe that it causes her to run away like this? Clearly she had no idea of the distance to Ohio, nor did she have any reasonable plans by which she should really get there. Yet despite her total lack of knowledge of how to get to Ohio, she was driven by a fear to strike a path "back home."

As a child, I remember a time when I was afraid like this.

My best friend lived across the street from me. I was with him and his sister and we had decided to spray paint something. We were fairly young - probably around the age of this girl - and I don’t know how we got our hands on a can of spray paint. As my friend sprayed some wood, I noted the strong smell of the paint, as I was closest to the spray that came out. My friend then looked at the back of the can and read aloud the warnings.

"Caution: inhaling fumes could cause serious injury or death."

We all gasped. My friend’s sister turned to their dog and said, "Oh no, Christie. We’re going to lose our friend Robbie."

I didn’t die, of course. But my fear was certainly founded in the reality of the warning on the paint can. This child’s fear of hurricanes is also well-founded, as Florida certainly is a likely target for hurricanes. So what is a parent to say? Some parents say things like: "Don’t worry. A hurricane will never get us." But while that may give the child some security - coming from the main source of security in their life - it is only a matter of time for the child to realize that the parent has no power over hurricanes.

My son came down from his room last year. "Daddy, I can’t stop thinking about death."

"Why are you thinking about death? What are you thinking about it?" I asked.

"I was just thinking that someday I am going to die. I know it is something that will really happen, and it scares me."

What am I supposed to say here? He is right. He is going to die someday. I am going to die as well. As an American, I have gotten really good at distracting myself with amusements to forget about the hard things in life. No doubt that the little girl’s parents had thought about hurricanes, but were probably more focused on job situations, housing prices, and recreational opportunities. The girl didn’t care about any of this. She just wanted to go back to Ohio where there were no hurricanes.

I tell my patients that most anxieties have real foundation - for both adults and children. Probably the worst thing you can tell someone who is anxious is that their anxiety is unfounded. Most anxieties come when the defense mechanisms get peeled away and we are left to see our vulnerability. The more layers of defense there are, the more raw we are and vulnerable we feel when they have been peeled away.

I took the opportunity of my son’s fear to tell him that I shared the same fears. Death is an unknown to me too. I shared my beliefs about death and what would happen after we die, and gave him my reasons for thinking those things. I think he was comforted by the fact that I shared the same fear, yet was not paralyzed by it. He went back to bed (after we prayed together) and didn’t come back down.

I also took that opportunity to take stock of my own fears, as well as my answers to those fears. My son had peeled away my defense mechanisms. I am thankful for that. It is good when a strong wind comes along and tests your walls. You need to know if they will hold true when the hurricane inevitably comes along.

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