Ask Dr. Rob: The Sty’s the Limit

August 20, 2007

Mary asks an uncomfortable question:

My husband has a recurring sty in his eye. Is this from spending too much time out at the pigpen, or those magazines we found under our son’s bed?

Hmmm….

How can I word this?

Uh, First off there is the issue of a stye. Styes are bumps on the eyelid. There are two main types of eyelid lesions: a hordeolum and a chalazion. I would like to personally thank whoever named these to bumps, as they are pretty much the most fun names to say aloud. Certainly both are much more fun to say than “stye” or “bump on your eyelid.” THANK YOU MR/MS BUMP ON THE EYE NAMER!! {{{HUGS}}}.

Sorry. I got carried away.

Hordeolum is not to be confused with a Horta (pictured below), which is a silicon-based life form as described by Wikipedia:

An intelligent species indigenous to the planet Janus VI, the Horta can comfortably live in the airless and dark subterranean environment. It can also secrete a powerful corrosive which allows the instant fashioning of tunnels for travel. It also has an unusual life cycle in that every 50,000 years, most of the species dies leaving one female to lay numerous eggs and care for the resulting young. (Dragons in Gerald Durrell’s fantasy novel The Talking Parcel seem to share a similar lifecycle.)

Now, even if your husband has been to the planet Janus VI (which I always confuse with Janus IV), it is unlikely that he had one of these creatures in his eye, since the Horta secretes an acid that will totally dissolve rock, much less human flesh.

Chalazion is not to be confused with a Chalupa (pictured below), which, while not as bad to get in the eye as a Horta, it still would be quite uncomfortable.

Incidentally, a good recipe for a Chalupa is as follows:

1 pack OLE? ?Burrito Grande? flour tortillas (10?)

1/4lb. hamburger per person

1/3 cup chopped lettuce per chalupa

1 T. chopped jalapeno? peppers per chalupa

2 T. Mexican 4 Cheese per chalupa

2 slices tomato per chalupa

1/2 tsp. Satan’s Breath? Jalape?o Garlic

1 T. olive oil

2 T. no fat sour cream per chalupa

Pre-heat a wok, put in olive oil and garlic. When pan is hot, put in hamburger and cook till well done. Set aside. Now take a flat grill, drizzle with 1/2 tsp. olive oil and toast the Burrito On both sides. After toasted, lay down and fill with hamburger, lettuce, jalapeno peppers, Mexican cheese, tomatoes and onion. Top with sour cream. Roll up and enjoy.

I feel a bit nervous using anything named “Satan’s breath.” Somebody let me know how this tastes.

I could not find a recipe for a Horta.

So what about your husband? If your husband has a sty in his eye, you are really in trouble. A sty is:

a small-scale outdoor enclosure for raising pigs. It is sometimes referred to as a pigpen or pig parlor. Pigsties are generally fenced areas of bare dirt and/or mud. Both “sty” and “pigpen” are used as derogatory descriptions of dirty, messy areas. There are three contributing reasons that pigs, generally clean animals, create such a living environment:

Pigs are voracious eaters and will eat all the plants in the enclosure until there is nothing left to control erosion.

The pig is a rooting animal and will dig for food in the enclosure, further disturbing the soil.

Pigs have no sweat glands which means that they must be provided with water or mud in which they can control their own body temperature

While I would rather get a sty in my eye than a Horta, it would be far worse than getting a Chalupa in my eye.

Perhaps you meant Stye. A stye is an obstructed sebaceous gland (a type of sweat gland) on the eyelid, typically at the end of the lid where the lashes come out:

Basically he has a zit on his eyelid. As you can see, Hordeolum sounds much better than “zit on the eyelid.” Of course, since pigs don’t have sweat glands (as stated above), it would be impossible for them to get a stye in a sty.

A Chalazion is a lipogranuloma of the Meibomian gland on the eyelid. It is not painful, like the Hordeolum, and occurs on the lid itself:

A sty is treated with a good layer of hay and an occasional removal of manure that accumulates. Nothing can be done about the smell, however.
A stye is treated with hot compresses, and occasionally antibiotic eye drops.
A chalazion is treated with steroid eye drops, and possibly surgical excision.
A chalupa is treated with some hot sauce, and served with a side of beans.

The treatment for recurrent hordeolum is to use baby shampoo on the edge of the eyelids to keep the sebaceous glands open.

So here’s the tricky part: Why does your husband keep getting these styes in his eye?

Certainly you see how spending time in the pigpen would not cause a stye to form, as a stye is not a sty.

So then we spend time on this magazine theory that you put forth. I presume that if they were hidden under your son’s bed, they are not Good Housekeeping, Rosie, or The Journal of Homeopathic Anthropology (although it would definitely shame me for my son to have the Journal of Homeopathic Anthropology - they feel that to understand a culture, you have to understand a teeny, tiny part of that culture - hogwash, if you ask me). So it was probably something like Sports Illustrated, or Rod a Gun? I am not sure how you would think that this kind of magazine would give your husband a stye.

Now, if you are talking about those Por-ne-o-graphical magazines, then you may have a problem. As you may know, scientists have long established that those kind of things make someone go blind. Usually this is through a persistent growth from the edge of the eyelid that gets larger and larger until blindness ensues.

Hmmm….

This is uncomfortable.

Maybe you ought to send him to Janus VI.

Thanks for the great question!

Don’t forget to send more questions to dr.rob.questions@gmail.com.

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