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A Conspiracy.

That is what seemed to be going on.  Fifteen-minute visits become half-hour visits.  Lots of questions are thrown at me.  Patient after patient was complicated – either medically or emotionally.

I had not walked into the day irritated, but the conspiracy that my patients were engaged in was doing its best to make me that way.  They did not accept my explanations, but instead wanted me to explain the same thing about ten different ways, only to go home and "think about it."  Just as I finally got through with one patient, I walked into another room to the words "I am glad you are here."  Ominous words that said that this next visit wouldn’t fit the time allotted either.

They were not being unreasonable (well, mostly not).  They had real needs and real problems.  It is just that they had all called each other and decided to sign up to be seen yesterday morning.  So by the end of the morning I was very late and very irritated.  Add in stupidity on the part of the State of Georgia (more on this at a later date), and my attitude walking into my first afternoon visit was not fitting of a healer.

As grumpy as I felt, however, I had to stop before entering each room and adjust the attitude back to normal.  I can’t let attitude change my care.  I have no choice.  Doctors have no choice.  The next room may just be a blood pressure check up, but it also may be a cancer waiting to be diagnosed, a suicide that needs to be averted, or a mourner that needs comforting.  As justified as I was in my grumpiness, I must always keep it to myself.

That is one of the hardest disciplines to learn.  "You’re only human" people will say.  True, I have bad days and good days, but do you want your mother or daughter to catch the doctor on a "bad day?"  If they mis-diagnose or mis-treat a problem because the doctor was irritated at an insurance company, would you be in a forgiving mood?  No, fatigue has no place, grumpiness is not permitted, distractions have to be set aside when you walk into the exam room.

This is what makes you a better doctor.  This is what makes you look back with few regrets.  The more you can deny yourself and take up your daily duty to your patients, as a worker swings a hammer or as a athlete trudges through training, the better you will be for those who need you.  They may not appreciate it, but it may be the most important thing you do.

And then, when all is said and done, I go home to a family that needs me.