News of no use

August 30, 2007

Hot off the presses…

Goat crowned king of Ireland at fair

Jimmy, a feisty white mountain goat, was crowned king of Ireland on Friday at one of the country’s oldest fairs.

Dating back centuries, the Puck Fair is an annual festival of drinking, music and dancing celebrated in the town of Killorglin in southern Ireland.

Each year a male goat is caught in the surrounding mountains, paraded through the town to a beat of drums and pipes, and then placed in a 40-feet (12 metre) stand where he reigns as king for three days.

The origins of the fair are not totally known, but it always falls on August 10-12.

One theory suggests mountain goats alerted residents of the town to an impending attack by leader Oliver Cromwell’s forces in the 17th century.

I would say that along with the foot and mouth outbreak, there is a clear outbreak of Mad Irish Disease.  150,000 people to see a goat crowned king?  I think they must be making their Ale a bit stronger these days.

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An alert reader e-mailed me the following:

Did I ever tell you about Lomas? This friend of mine
drove past a goat in a field all the time and the goat
had curved  horns.  He’d stick his head through the
fence and get caught.  So the owner put PVC pipe on
his horns to prevent that from happening again.

Here is the picture:

It’s not quite a crown, but it is somewhat regal, don’t you think?

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The headlines read, "State by State, Americans are getting fatter."  But there is a bigger story.  Do you know that 100% of Americans are older than they were a year ago?  This is an alarming trend.

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Another headline read "Immigration raids Ohio Chicken plant."  I was not aware that there are illegal chickens crossing the border.  I suspect they are coming from Canada, but there were not too many details in the story.

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Then there is the age old flightless bird problem (will it never end?).  First, from New Hampshire:

Runaway emu captured by police

Police officers chasing and capturing emus sounds like a better concept for a movie than for real life, but for the second time in just over a month, the absurd has become reality.

With one emu captured by the Hooksett Police Department on Friday, Aug. 24, and another still at large, the flightless birds have come into the public’s consciousness in a way no one could have predicted.

But don’t let anyone tell you they’re easy to catch.

“We did the ‘grab it by the beak’ trick and it seemed like a good idea, but it turns out it didn’t like being held down, either,” said Hooksett Detective Sgt. Nick Pinardi. “When it stands up on its back legs and stretches out its neck, it’s taller than you. It was a scary bird.”

The captured emu is one of two that were reported missing from the Morse Hill Road emu ranch of Richard Racca, who had another emu escape in July. One of the emus was sighted in Bow on Tuesday, Aug. 21, but Bow police Lt. Dave Girard said there was no way to know if it was the same one that was captured in Hooksett.

“We saw it and attempted to capture it last Tuesday by the fire station, and that was the only time it was sighted to my knowledge. It wasn’t aggressive and it appeared to be healthy, but when we attempted to capture it it walked into the forest. We weren’t privvy to the beak grabbing trick, and it wasn’t until after the stories started showing up that we started getting tips,” Girard said.

If the other bird turns up in Bow, he will likely forego the beak grabbing method in favor of a pillow case over the head, he said.

Dunbarton master patrol officer Jacqueline Pelletier said the department is figuring out what course of action to take if an emu turns up in the town. She also said officers are searching for any possible discipline for Racca or anyone else involved in the emu escapes.

“None of these emus have been seen in Dunbarton, even though they all seem to have originated from here.
Most of our laws pertain to dogs and other domestic animals, so we’re just sort of winging it as we go here,” Pelletier said.

Racca did not return a phone call placed to his house before press time. The second emu is still at large, and anyone spotting the large bird is encouraged to call their local police department.

I have to say, my mother always taught me to use the pillow case method rather than the "grab the beak" method. 

Folks in Wisconsin have another method (those crazy cheese heads!):

Wayward emu corralled in parking lot

Attention, Wal-Mart shoppers: The emu in the parking lot is not for sale.

Employees of a Wal-Mart Supercenter used shopping carts to corral a wayward emu outside the store Monday about 6 a.m., West Bend police said.

A manager fed the emu grapes and apples in an attempt to calm the bird inside the makeshift enclosure.

Richard Takacs, the owner of 3-year-old Myron, speculated the bird had been chased from his nearby farm by a coyote.

Emus can’t fly, but Takacs said he wasn’t surprised when police contacted him from the store, about two miles north of his Meadowbrook Market and Pumpkin Farm.

"They can run 40 miles an hour, so that was just a quick sprint for Myron," Takacs said.

Two other emus from the farm also bolted from their pen but were found unharmed in a nearby pumpkin field.

Takacs retrieved the apparently frightened Myron from the 24-hour Wal-Mart and placed the bird by itself in a pasture so it could feel safe and relax.

Emus can grow up to six feet tall and weigh as much as 100 pounds.

Six feet tall, 40 miles an hour, I am getting worried about all of these Emu outbreaks.  Perhaps they are the ones who are smuggling the chickens into Ohio.  You do note that both of these states are northern states and so these birds do have access to Canada. 

If only a goat were king.  He would put a stop to this nonsense.

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Posted in Humor