A perspective that I learned at that time from my teens was that they could not separate from me and go off on their own to lead independent lives, unless they rebelled against my home rules. They had to rebel. They had to get uncomfortable enough at home in order to leave home. They had to disapprove in order to leave.

Some left sooner, some later. Some left voluntarily, some I kicked out. Some came back and then left again and then came back again till they could stand on their own permanently.

And after insisting on picking up and maintaining some semblance of order at home, it is now me that enjoys being sloppy and picking up later–or tomorrow.
My kids now get after me to de-clutter and keep order! I love it! It has the flavor of sweet revenge.

Chris and Vic

I guess it’s important to remember how rebellious I was from time to time, and yet I think I turned out OK (very few people would view their child growing up to be a doctor as a failure of parenting).

Well…not real sure about the mindtaking thing…

I agree with Wolley to a point.

Grew up in a very loving family. Dad, Mom and 5 kids (one right after the other).

My parents were strict but loving, We were very obedient kids. We knew from an early age that our parents were in charge and what they said was law.

Yeah, we pushed it a bit as we grew into teenagehood and at that time the relationship changed from a ‘I’m the parent so I am right’ to ‘ you’re close to being an adult, what do you think is the right choice to make’.

Funny, but all my my sibs are now way stricter with their kids than my parents ever were with us. And it all seems to have worked out very well.

They need physical closeness. Nothing made me happier when I was a child than to jump in my father’s lap and just have him hold me.

As far as training kids, simply be consistent, allowing them a bit more freedom as they age. And don’t expect them to be perfect. You weren’t perfect. I certainly wasn’t perfect. We all did things that our parents never knew about.

And be careful how you treat your kid’s feelings. At a young age, kids are very impressionable, will pick up on any criticism, no matter how minor. And what may seem meaningless to an adult may very well be meaningful to a child. No matter what, provide the confidence, the support that every child needs.

Don’t forget mindtaking!

I think I may have mentioned it before, but my son is disabled. (He has cortical blindness, microcephaly and hemiplegia, if you’re wondering) and he has really taught me the most important Rule of Parenting: Pick your battles. When I tried to potty train him too early (because I’m stupid and thought that I could force him to do it through the sheer power of my wanting it to work) I pushed him back more than six months. I wailed about it to my pediatrician who said “Relax. He’s not going to go to high school in a diaper. There’s more important stuff to freak out about.” and I really took her advice to heart. There’s always something else to freak out about instead of issue X or problem Y.

Whenever I get nasty comments about my parenting technique from my Old World grandparents (from Mexico. They think that spanking is the answer for everything, and that my kids should have been potty trained by the time they were a year old.) I just sort of shrug and tell them that if they grow up to be kind and decent human beings, it won’t matter if they were potty trained at 1 or 4.

I am, however, dreading the teenage years. *shudder*