Comments on: Favorite

By: claudia

claudia — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:02:31 +0000

Dear Dr. Rob:

Thank you so much for your article. Although this is going to you long after the funeral, here’s hoping that all went well for you.

I agree with Emily: “Patients have favorite doctors too.” I fail to understand why there is so much emphasis on the doctor-patient relationship when, without warning, the doctor can just up and leave town and transfer your care to the other doctors in a practice. It has been devastating for me to find out after-the-fact that my doctor has left town without notice. It makes the whole relationship thing feel self-serving for the doctor, like “Now that I’m leaving, there’s no need to communicate anything to you.”

I grew up in the days when my parents were warm and chummy with our doctors with cards and presents. My sister and I were adopted, and though we moved a hundred miles away, the doctor that delivered us actually wrote long, lengthy letters to my sister and I each Christmas, to which we would respond. This seemed ordinary at the time. If only I had seen it for the pearl of great price that it was, I would have treasured it more. When my sister was getting married, that doctor even forwarded a letter my sister’s birth mother had written him when my sister was about three. He had kept it for about 23 years! I sure miss Dr. Andrews, and I wish things were warmer with our doctors today, but they seem like they want to keep things distant.

By: What can you say? | Musings of a Distractible Mind

What can you say? | Musings of a Distractible Mind — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:14:22 +0000

[...] She passed away. [...]

By: Susan

Susan — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:18:35 +0000

I remember the friends and acquaintances that came to my parents’ funerals, but I thank goodness for those few that visited my mother and my father in their last years.

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:44:21 +0000

While I understand (and share) the posters’ encouragement that you visit your patient for one last hug, I also understand, to some small degree, your need to set boundaries and guard your emotions. Doctors must deal with a lot of pain and death in inevitable..

I have a friend who is a pulmonologist. He sometimes takes the death of a patient very personally, especially when the patient is young. He becomes testy and withdraws. He suffers and his family suffers.

While we all want our doctors to provide compassionate care, I also want my doctor to have a healthy emotional and family life when he is away from the office or hospital. You, and they, deserve it.

Whatever you decide to do about visiting (or not visiting) the patient will be the right decision.

God bless you.

By: Emily

Emily — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 03:44:45 +0000

Dr. Rob:
Patients have favorite doctors too!
I have a congenital heart defect and my cardiologist has been with me over 22 years. Every time I see him I want to squeeze him! He is just…a great person and a great doctor. But the relationship is so interesting because of its unique intimacy.
Anyway, I bet your patient feels the same way about you.

By: Ben

Ben — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:33:39 +0000

I apologize for my OCD, but I think you meant “incredible”.

By: rositta

rositta — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 01:49:33 +0000

I think you can get that last hug. My Mom’s doctor stopped by our house a week before my Mom went into hospital and she always hugged him too. That day she didn’t have the strength to stand up to hug him so he bent down to her. I don’t think he realized, or maybe he did, that it would be the last time he would see her…ciao

By: Sirann

Sirann — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 11:20:41 +0000

I found you through a sequence of links ending at NYT. My thought is that anyone can make friends at work, and they don’t have to be co-workers. The friendship doesn’t have to involve family barbecues and vacations together it can be just a simple humane love. I have no doubt, a visit from you would be a tonic to all parties. It would help you as well as them.

By: zazue

zazue — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:04:14 +0000

Oh Dr. Rob, I just recently found your blog, and I spent hours reading your past posts. I think your’e a great man, and I think that’s what makes you a great Doctor This post made me tear up. I worked in a hospital for years, and the part of the blog that spoke about not getting emotionally involved with your patients, or you wouldn’t last long touched me deeply, because that’s when I knew this was one patient who made it past your boundaries. Your words made me remember the patients who made their way around mine. You should do what makes you feel right. That will be the right thing to do with this patient.

By: Paul Gebhard

Paul Gebhard — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:37:57 +0000

“Get a hug”?? I suggest you visit her and give one back! Lately, I’ve started to struggle with worry for some of my patients that I’ve really come to know quite well over the past eight years and as time marches on, I know I’m going to need to attend wakes and funerals in the near future, of the ones that I really like/love. While there are many trials and tribulations in some doctor/patient relationships, there are some people who you just really love and respect, like your patient. If you haven’t seen her and given her a hug yet, if she’s still here, I suggest you do so! It will help the both of you.

Paul