Amanda

I know my doctors can’t do it alone; I’ve taken to sending faxes to my doctors to explain what’s happening: my symptoms, how often they occur, as well as changes in my medications or with my eating/exercise routines. That gives my doctors a heads-up so they’ll know if they want to see me first, or send me for tests before any appointment. Sometimes, X-rays or bloodwork should come first; all kinds of things may need to be done before you sit down face-to-face with your physician.

Do doctors play favorites? Sure they do. Do they realize it? Do any of us realize we play favorites when it’s happening? No, we don’t. We have to give them a break on this, people; they’re human, just as human we are.

When it comes to the staff, you have to be nice to them, and I make every attempt to do so ~ it never hurts to have a friend on the inside when you need something. Hopefully, the doctor will wind up being my friend, too; but, I can’t count on that, so I’ll take a nurse, nurse practitioner, office manager — anyone who might be able to help if I need it.

However, I also have a job to do as their patient; I have to keep them informed as to what’s happening on the other side of the phone/desk. If I’m treated poorly ~ if I call for test results and get run-around for two weeks; if I send a fax to my doctor and find someone has taken and hidden it for a week ~ I must notify the office / doctor of what’s happening; the only way to do that effectively is by putting it in writing and submitting it to the Office Manager or the doctor.

The only way the doctor can take any action about these situations is if I’m willing to put my name to written complaints about them. Otherwise, I’m just another rude patient yelling at their employee(s) for no good reason ~ what I say won’t carry any weight if I do that. If you’re not willing to put your name to it, then it’s probably best if you just keep your mouth shut. Don’t abuse or belittle people just because you’re having a bad moment/day/week/month/life.

Even if you’re part of an HMO, or other “socialist-type” healthcare system, you still have a choice on whether you stick with a particular doctor or not. If you don’t like the doctor, you don’t trust the doctor, or you’re frightened of the doctor, go out and find yourself another one. You owe it to yourself, to your health, and you owe it to the doctor. No one would want to continue treating a patient who doesn’t trust them, doesn’t like them, is in fear of them, or – for some other reason – doesn’t want to be near them. Were I that doctor, I’d want to get as far away from that patient as humanly possible. Who would want to work like that? Would you want to work for/with someone who wanted nothing to do with you?

You always have a choice. Yes, you might have to drive farther to see someone else; that much is true. Yes, you might have to pay more out-of-pocket to see someone else; that much is true, as well. You’ll have to weigh how much the decision to change doctors is worth to you vs. what it might cost; no one can make the decision for you. But, try to keep in mind that you aren’t the only person affected by your choice. If you decide to stay with a doctor you have issues with, you’re asking a lot of that doctor. You’re asking the doctor to engage in an antagonistic relationship with you, and you’re not giving the doctor a choice. How fair is that?

It would be like someone hiring you to do a job, AFTER deciding they hate you ~ BUT, they decide not to tell you that. They decide to keep secret from you how much they hate you; they’re just going to wait until you do something to make them angry, THEN you’re going to get it. Talk about unfair! If you hire someone to be your doctor ~ someone you don’t trust, you don’t like, or you’re afraid of ~ you’re doing the same thing. And, unfair is unfair.

Doctor/patient relationships only work when they’re based on mutual trust and respect; you have to give trust and respect first, in order to receive any in return. Be patient with each other, be open and honest, and work hard at keeping the lines of communication open. If you do that, respectfully, you should do well in communicating with your doctor. It IS worth the effort when it works.

Susan/MinPin
minpin71163@sbcglobal.net

Cumulatively, I have listened to hundreds of hours of healthcare horror stories from my fellow patients, and ‘worst patient ever’ stories from my co-workers. These tales always distill down to two genres: bad humans and/or bad systems. My frustration and anxiety levels as both a patient and a healthcare worker went down when I realized a few simple truths, many of which are covered by your posts here. Thank you for bringing them to a wide audience! I think that a lot of provider-patient miscommunication can be avoided by decreasing anticipatory reactiveness based on stereotyping. I hope your lovely blogging will help.

One rule I thought I would suggest: When you have found somebody you can trust, don’t try to do their work for them. By all means, if you have found some information on the internet that you are curious about, by all means bring it up; but coming in having already made up your mind on what is wrong and/or what will fix it does neither doctor nor patient any good.

Thanks Chronic Babe! I am glad you saw both sides of it. Some people (especially on the NYT blog) don’t seem to notice I gave both sides. The idea is to set some guidelines that will improve relations. There are idiots on both sides, but if people don’t understand the other side, they won’t be able to improve things.

This is one of the first times I’ve seen a physician acknowledge that the doctor-patient relationship is a two-way street… that we all have responsibilities for keeping the relationships with our doctors strong. So bravo to you – as a young woman with multiple chronic illnesses (thus, multiple health care providers) I know how challenging it can be to find and keep a good doctor.

Many people in my position lose hope that there are great docs out there – I think they forget sometimes that part of their responsibility as patients is to seek out good providers and develop trusting, honest relationships. It’s not just up to the doctor to make everything “perfect” or “right.” And it’s an imperfect system, full of imperfect doctors and patients. We could all stand to have a little patience with each other.

Thanks again for writing this.