(+6 rating, 6 votes)
Loading ...Well, Thanksgiving that holiday where we eat lots of turkey poultry is done – now only to feel the guilt and take the Lipitor Simvistatin. Now comes the calm, quiet Christmas holiday season. I hope these days bring you lots of joy positive emotions.
It is with such emotion that I went to my email and found the following:
Dear Dr. Rob:
I think Dr. Val is better than you . She has the voice of reason, and what kind of voice do you have? It seems to be a voice of mental instability. She does interviews with famous people and you talk about llamas. She draws cartoons and you just act like a cartoon character.
Give me a reason to read you over Dr. Val?
Gonzo
First, Gonzo, let me say that Dr. Val is a personal friend, so I wont seethe in jealousy enter a contest with her. She does a fine job on her fancy-schmancy blog.
Second, I am quite stable, and my voice is certainly as reasonable as hers. I have people compliment me daily on my voice’s reasonable nature.
Finally, I haven’t interviewed anyone yet, but that is changing today. I have an interview with a celebrity…but not just any celebrity. I have the celebrity.
Buckle your seat belts, boys and girls; Dr. Rob is interviewing Santa.
——————————————————–
Dr. Rob: Nice to meet you, Chris…uh…Mr. Claus….uh….Saint…
Santa: “Santa” is fine.
Dr. Rob: Thanks, Santa. I appreciate you doing this interview with me. I am honored that you chose me over other medical bloggers. I was so pleased you got in touch with me.
Santa: Well, I was out having dinner with my dear friend, Dr. Val, and she said that you needed the help. Fine gal, that Dr. Val.
Dr. Rob: Well I guess it figures…I get the table scraps?
Santa: I could go talk to Kevin….
Dr. Rob: No, no…I appreciate the interview – however I got it. Thanks for taking the time, with this busy upcoming season. So what are your days like at this time of year?
Santa: They aren’t as bad as you would think. I use Twitter and my iPhone to keep up on who is naughty or nice. I have a VPN to the North Pole so I can securely communicate with the elves.
Dr. Rob: So you are a real technology buff?
Santa: Come on, Dr. Rob, Christmas in 2008…do you really think I wouldn’t have the latest and greatest? Kids don’t want jack-in-the-boxes or GI Joes anymore; they want electronics. Naturally I had to keep up with all of this.
Dr. Rob: So how do you find out about all what people want? Do you do wiretaps or listening devices?
Santa: I am psychic. I had the original Psychic Friends Network before Ms. Warwick hijacked the idea. She got a lot of coal for that one…
Dr. Rob: So if you are psychic, you must…
Santa: Yes, I know all about the secret Hello Kitty obsession. I am still a little baffled about the llamas, however.
Dr. Rob: Join the club. I can’t even figure that one out. I wish you wouldn’t have brought up the Hello Kitty thing. Please don’t tell anyone.
Santa: My lips are sealed.
Dr. Rob: Thanks. Now, can you tell me how things have changed over the years?
Santa: Lots of things have changed. The Internet certainly has been a big deal. No more big bags of letters. I just have to get a good Spam filter. Besides that, the biggest changes is the labor climate. I had real problems when the elves unionized.
Dr. Rob: Unionized? I would imagine you treated them well over the years. Heck, they only work a few months out of the year. What was their complaint?
Santa: Elf-care benefits. They were getting pretty expensive for me – you know, I don’t really get paid for what I do. I had to cut them to a high-deductible plan. Plus, the managed care side of things forced the elves to see PCP’s for all of their problems, but there just weren’t enough around the North Pole. All we have here are Nymph-practitioners.
Dr. Rob: Huh. I never thought you would have problems with that. Don’t you have leverage?
Santa: I threatened the insurance company CEO’s, but their salaries are so high that they don’t care if I give coal. I was going to send the reindeer to harass them, but they threatened to drop me as a provider. Can you imagine kids having to get preauthorization to get presents?
Dr. Rob: Wow. Sounds pretty bad. Did the unionization end up causing trouble?
Santa: Not really. I set up elf-savings accounts (ESA’s) and they can save the money pre-tax. They seem satisfied with that. They are pretty anxious to see what happens with the new push for universal care.
Dr. Rob: Yeah, I was wondering what you thought about the election and the push for universal health coverage. What are your thoughts on that?
Santa: I suppose if a guy like me can deliver presents to all of the children of the world without developing a significant budget shortfall, perhaps Obama can deliver quality care for all Americans and save money. I would suggest he talk to me before he tries, however, because it isn’t as easy as it looks.
Dr. Rob: Really? I thought you just used magic to accomplish the big task.
Santa: Magic? I wish. No, it took a concerted effort to become an efficiently-run process. We had to computerize our operations. The elves in the primary doll-manufacturing section wouldn’t communicate with the elves in the specialiezed Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake sections. They would duplicate efforts and end up costing a bundle.
Dr. Rob: Sounds familiar. Duplication of care is a big problem here. Some people see computers as the solution, but the push for EMR has been met with huge resistence among providers.
Santa: Yes, that was my experience in our implementation process of the EMR (Elf manufacturing record) system. The elves really resisted it. They felt like I was just making them do unnecessary documentation without a real benefit to them. I had to implement an incentive program to get them to use it. The P4P program has really helped.
Dr. Rob: Pay for performance?
Santa: No, praise for presents. They just wanted to be recognized for the work they were doing. They just wanted to get credit for the quality of their work, and not just the quantity. The hardest part was figuring out how to measure the quality.
Dr. Rob: That’s the same thing for doctors here. The government and insurance companies want us to meet numeric goals that may or may not really equate with quality. Nobody is really sure how to recognize quality. Everyone seems to think it is a good idea, but quality is in the eye of the beholder, isn’t it?
Santa: Sometimes. But you can still tell the difference between Macy’s and Dollar General, can’t you? There’s a difference between a well-built toy and one that will make a child cry a few days after Christmas. We just had to do the work to figure out what really made the difference.
Dr. Rob: So do you have any advice to Mr. Obama?
Santa: Listen to the elves – or the doctors, nurses, and patients, in your case. Those with the real stake in the process usually can tell the difference. If I went to the toy companies or advertising agencies, I wouldn’t get a fair picture of toy quality. Those with a financial stake will never give you a square picture.
Dr. Rob: Yep. Just like the insurance companies, pharmaceutical manufacturers, and specialty societies – their opinion needs to be taken with a huge grain of salt. I hope he doesn’t get caught up in the spin of the professional advisors but instead goes to those who know what the heck is going on.
Santa: I thought you were interviewing me. It sounds like you are climbing on the soap box now.
Dr. Rob: Sorry, Santa. You just hit an area that I am passionate about.
Santa: You think I don’t know that? I know all about the blog and your strong opinions.
Dr. Rob: Ah, your psychic powers at work.
Santa: No, Dr. Val keeps me up on things. When she gets busy, I read Gonzo…uh… I mean Kevin MD.
Dr. Rob: Gonzo? Why did you call Kevin Gonzo?
Santa: That’s between me and him…It’s really none of your business. Oh, look at the time! I have got to go now.
Dr. Rob: Oh. Well that’s too bad. I was really enjoying our talk. Thanks so much for spending the time with me for this interview. It really means a lot to me.
Santa: It’s the least I can do for a dear friend.
Dr. Rob: Shucks, Santa, I really don’t know what to say about you considering me a dear friend….sniff….
Santa: You? No, I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about Val!
Dr. Rob: Sigh. I suppose being close to fame is almost as good as fame.
Santa: Take what you get, Dr. Rob. It beats coal in your stocking.
Dr. Rob: Yes, I guess it does.
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{ 10 comments }
Best interview I’ve read all week.
What a super-awesome post, Dr. Rob. You made me snort my tea out of my nose (prior authorization for presents!) and then you made me think, the latter a much harder task than the former.
Great to have good friends (like you and Zippy and DrVal and…..)! So did Santa give you his twitter or e-mail?
Don’t worry Doc Rob.. yer blog is equally ‘fancy-shmancy’.
I really enjoyed your interview with Santa, Dr. Rob. I’ve actually been trying to get him on the books for years but he refuses to speak to me. He said it had to do with Christmas tree abuse or something. http://getbetterhealth.com/the-balcony-of-shame-and-the-grinch-that-stole-halloween/2008.12.06
Santa also told me that you’re the medical blogger with the only perfect record for receiving gifts (vs. coal) each Christmas. Please put in a good word for me this year – I’m hoping not to get coal again. My condo is heated with electric power and the coal storage is becoming burdensome.
Wow.
I voted your post up. But that seems inadequate.
?????
Don’t think that because you took away the stars widget, I can’t give you any!
This is THE BEST interview that I’ve ever read in a medblog (including all the fancy-schmancy celeb-veleb interviews on the great Dr. Val’s blog).
Superlative.
Not content with just one word, I’m copy-pasting all the thesaurus entries…
excellent, magnificent, wonderful, marvelous, supreme, consummate, outstanding, remarkable, fine, choice, first-rate, first-class, premier, prime, unsurpassed, unequaled, unparalleled, unrivaled, preeminent; informal crack, ace, wicked, brilliant
Hey, Dr. Rob…could you put in a good word for me with Santa? A great post and I enjoyed reading it. Puts a lot of things into perspective. Maybe Santa will drop a copy into Obama’s stocking.
Dr. Val, ship the coal this way…I have a big wood-burning/coal-burning stove in my basement. It’s COLD here… (OK..I admit to a gas fireplace in my den…but shh…don’t tell!)
As a former North Pole (AK) resident I can understand their need to find more PCP’s we were unsatisfied with the level of care we received there. On a side note my daughter’s first (@ age 2 1/2) nightmare, ever verbalized, was one of being chased by giant candy canes. Of course we later realized it was because every street light in North Pole is shaped like a giant candy cane. We put the power back in her hands, so she turns around and eats them when they come, instead of running.
Excellent interview… and I don’t want to seem skeptical as it sounds like you went through a lot to get Santa to talk to you… but doesn’t he live in Canada?
Firstoff Dr Rob, I think Dr Val is prettier than you, but that just means I’m male and straight!
Secondly, great interview! It’s god to know that Santa has the same problems as you and I, even though we work in 3 different fields (PHC, pressie manufacture and delivery, and real-time software)!
Finally, Arash, don’t be silly; everyone knows Santa lives in Lapland (North Finland)!
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