Comments on: Perilous Parenting

By: Andrea

Andrea — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:04:50 +0000

Fantastic post! As a mother of 5 year old twins I hear all sorts of advice, especially from people who do not have multiples. But, also as a parent I had to realize that for the most part (there are exceptions) that people give advice with the best intentions so I smile, nod, say thank you and do what my husband and I think is the best for our children. (Knock on wood, our children are well-mannered and flippin’ smart too. You wouldn’t believe the flack we caught for not allowing any TV until they were 3 and even to this day, all TV is pre-recorded commerical free cartoons or Discovery Channel things.)

So thank you for creating this post. Just as an aside, I do not go to a pediatrician that had not had children yet. My kids best pediatrician was when they were newborns and preemie. He was roughly 60ish and had grown twin boys. I learned so much from him just by him taking the time to say to me as a new mom – “It’s ok, you’re not alone. I’ve been there and you’ll find your way too. Call me anytime you need me.”

By: widjaksana

widjaksana — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:02:33 +0000

This is an interesting post.

By: Chrys

Chrys — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 23:08:14 +0000

I thought this was an excellent post! I don’t have children of my own, as you know, but I do know children – of all ages. Fireguy often comments about how babies often seem to pick up on me even from a distance and smile, and they do it makes me chuckle. Parenting is the hardest job on earth, and the most important. I loved your comment to the parents that it’s always good to check it out and be sure. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Great post, Rob.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:33:09 +0000

BLESS YOU! I have 3 children, all with very different personalities and temperaments. I must say that I have gained a good deal of compassion and tolerance for my fellow parents in the trenches.

I also appreciate you and doctors like you who truly listen to parents. We had quite the scare with our youngest, and the on call pediatrician didn’t trivialize my concerns but really listened. Turns out our son had neonatal diabetes- but he’s doing great now.

Great post!

By: Shell

Shell — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 20:18:48 +0000

I very quickly learned to ignore advice by well-meaning relatives, babysitters and strangers and (although I was young) follow my instincts with my son. This helped me to relax, and in turn, he relaxed. I’ve been known to disagree with medical professionals as well. I’m what is known as a “difficult” patient/caregiver because I don’t just smile and nod. For better or for worse, the doc sees the kid for 15 minutes at a stretch, whereas I’m his primary caretaker.

My son was almost two when he was admitted for pneumonia and asthma (first episode). That was traumatic for both of us and I got into a disagreement with a nurse at the hospital over how to administer his liquid meds. He was very independent. The easiest way to get him to take medicine was to put in the the med spoon and hand it to him. Was she willing to listen to me, just the mom? Oh no, she insisted on using a syringe which only p*ssed him off and the net result was medicine all over the bed instead of in the kid, and a screaming tot with beathing issues. (Stress anyone?) Once I convinced the nurses that he could be trusted to dose himself with supervision, they let him do it his way, and things were much more pleasant.

Fast forward a couple more ER visits for breathing treatments and I reached out to my insurance company asking for a machine to do this at home. Naturally, the insurance company was delighted as it was cheaper. My son and I were delighted because it was much easier and less stressful to do this at home, as opposed to the chaos of the ER. The insurance company sent a home health nurse to deliver and teach me how to use the machine, proper cleaning, etc., and I must have passed her tests! All the while knowing that if two treatments didn’t help, or if his condition worsened, I was to head to the ER immediately. Still independent, he wouldn’t allow the mask to be secured around his head, but he was very good at holding it himself. He called it the “get better” stuff.

The kid is now an adult and on his own. I suppose I did something right in trusting my own judgement.

By: Julianne Idleman

Julianne Idleman — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 18:31:03 +0000

Great post! You should hand it out as people board airlines! You might also enjoy sharing from the folks at Hand in Hand. Thanks for your support of parents!

By: tiffany

tiffany — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 11:08:55 +0000

I loved this post and can relate to so much of what you said! Especially the first point. I cannot tell you how many times I have worried about whether my child is sick enough to see a doctor. I feel stupid if I jump too soon and guilty if I leave it too late. Such a balancing act and it doesn’t help when other medical professionals treat me as though I don’t know a thing about my child. Why is that? Once I took my daughter into A&E because she was having trouble breathing, the doctor listened to her chest and told me she was as ‘clear as a bell’ and he should know because he had the most expensive stethoscope out there. I was over reacting because I was a first time mother (also a nurse but I never mention that when I take my kids into the hospital) He sent us home, I didn’t stand up for her, didn’t advocate for her because I thought perhaps, I was wrong, where she continued to decline. I waited it out until Monday, so we could see her paed, who ordered chest x ray and found that she had raging pneumonia (not moving much air at all really).
I have had many experiences like this, even with my sixth child – immune deficient, just like the first. I think I have gotten better at just letting the doctors have their say without becoming upset by their judgements, although sometimes it still gets to me.

Phew!
Guess I needed to get that off my chest.

By: Warmsocks

Warmsocks — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 02:32:07 +0000

My first child (at age 2) threw a tantrum in the department store. Glares turned to pats-on-the-back when I told the people in line with us that I was sorry for the noise, but I’d told him “no” and I was not going to raise a child who thought he could get his way by throwing a tantrum. Everyone was incredibly supportive – at least to my face. Who knows what they said after we left!

As you point out, childless people know everything about how to raise kids. People with only one child know a lot, too. My friends with 6+ kids (very well behaved), just smile, offer NO suggestions, and say, “Every child is different.”

By: judycolby

judycolby — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 22:00:00 +0000

So right. Who knew raising kids was so hard until we bring them home from the hospital. Then it only gets better (and harder) with age.

By: Susan

Susan — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 20:03:23 +0000

Wonderful post! This should be handed out with every new-born baby, so it can be copied and passed around to everyone within eyeball reach of said baby. Eventually people might “get it”.
Thank you!
Susan
(a Grandma in Canada who doesn’t hand out advice unless asked-my kids are way smarter than I am)