Golden Haikus

by Rob on November 15, 2009 · 18 comments

in Golden Llama Award, Poetry

Yea!!

It’s the time everyone has been waiting for.  I even got a call from Oprah asking if I have chosen the winner (she’s just jealous, you know).  It’s time to give away Golden Llamas!!

Not so fast.  This post won’t actually award the GLA, but instead gives you all of the haikus in their glory (you are just going to have to wait, Oprah).  I am going to award GLA’s in a separate post so I can drag this out as long as possible.

Since there were a lot of them (31, to be exact), I broke the haikus down into categories.  Plus, I just like bossing around poetry.  So here they are:

Category 1: Reform – I originally asked for just haikus on this, but then I chickened out.  Here are the entries that actually followed my instructions:

1. Hillary Gorman Israeli

our healthcare system
is on a ventilator
should we pull the tube?

RL: Excellent poem tying reform to the practice of medicine!

2, 3. Jacqueline Limpens – (Jacqueline wrote a whole post inspired by this contest! She included several entries on Facebook)

Web 2 point ooh tools,
Might help to reform health care.
Change needs people 2

RL:  Clever play on words numbers.

Health Care Reform.
An unaffordable plan?
A matter of choice.

RL:  Referring to the abortion debate?

4. George Bennie

funny ’bout reform
it is health’s new social norm
though it causes storms

RL:  Note that haikus don’t have to rhyme (although there are no points taken off if they do).  This one pulls off the haiku, rhyme, and gives a cogent message.

5. Jenni Smith

The leaves are changing
Healthcare is being reformed
Hell just froze over

RL:  I think it’s premature to say Hell froze over; it’s just a high-pressure system that’s stalled out over purgatory.

6. Leigh Rhiannon Saint-louis

can’t afford health care.
and can’t move to canada.
situation: cold.

RL:  Excellent.  Perhaps the high-pressure system is over Manitoba.

7. Mary Ellen

Healthcare like Haiku
law bound and bureaucratic
theories change, rules same

RL:  I am very impressed at putting reform into haiku and haiku into reform.  Say hi to John Boy.

8. Amy Larsen

sad to be sick now
complicated costly
Please help us Dr. Spock!

RL:  I am not vulcan.

9. Gina Rybolt

Ah, healthcare reform
I know little about this
Thus ends this haiku

RL: That’s kind of cheating, isn’t it?  Just saying “healthcare reform” doesn’t get you in!

9A. Jennifer Dumford

Healthcare reform: porn
You know it when you see it
But can’t define it

RL: I left this one out in my first draft of this post.  It’s really good too.  My goof…

Medical Life - When a lot of medical people write poems, there will inevitably be a bunch about what they do all day.

10. Jacqueline Limpens

Dark when he leaves home,
Dark when he returns from work.
Resident Life.

RL: Yep.  That nails it!

11. Kim McAllister

What is the problem?
Internet search for data.
Holistic hokum.

RL:  Kim gets points for saying “Holistic Hokum.”  That just sounds good when you say it out loud.

12. Ramona Bates – Ramona did her own post inspired by this contest.

Vase broken, skin cut
Glue repairs grandma’s treasures
Blue vase, baby’s cheek

RL:  Baby and vase are both grandma’s treasures.  To those who don’t know, glue is sometimes used to repair lacerations in children (although I prefer duct tape).

13. Jenni Smith

Avoid disaster
Medical billing software
Gets you paid faster

RL:  You should write jingles, Jenni.

14. Neil Bonginkosi Lawrence Taverner

all bleeding does stop
better if the heart does not
tie that sucker off!

RL:  Bongi is always brilliant (except when it comes to capitalization) and doesn’t lower standards on this one.

15. Gina Rybolt

Epi, Levophed
I expertly titrate these
‘Cuz I am your nurse

RL:  Epi and levophed are medications used in the ICU to keep people alive.  This captures the day-to-day life of an ICU nurse.

16, 17. Medrecgal

I’m just a coder
Giving providers headaches
But not on purpose

In the hospital
I’ve seen both perspectives
Patient and coder

RL:  Good pair of haikus about medical coding, a subject that got me on NPR!  The first one sounds like an apology.

18. Jennifer

Slogging through the fluff
Battle for best DRG
Code the chicken scratch

RL:  Good reference to a previous post of mine (Fluff Kills) and a nice haiku to boot!

Blatant Groveling - I have previously made it clear that one way to get a GLA is to beg for it or try to bribe me.  I am not above giving things t0 people who go out of their way to butter me up.  I like butter.  I take it along with my Lipitor every day.

19. Tara Scheck

Distractible Mind
If you send me llama hair
I will knit you socks.

RL:  Tara – the award is a JPG file that has no hair.  Sorry.  I need more socks.

2o. Ken O

Haiku contest is ending
Dr Rob is drinking beer
Return of Llamatron*

* Llamatron is an 8-bit computer game, published by Jeff Minter’s Llamasoft company in the UK, back in the 1980s.

RL: Kudos to Ken for introducing my readers to the Llamatron.  You only get that kind of thing here, folks.

21. Peggy, RN

Dr. Rob, cool dude
Llamas, aardvarks and haiku
Poetic & odd

RL:  Blatant, over the top and…well, thanks!  ”Poetic and Odd” may end up as my life purpose.

Opinionated – Some folks couldn’t keep from voicing strong opinion, and I am fine with this. It makes me diaphoretic and a bit nauseated to voice my opinions like they do, but it’s OK to have opinions (as long as they don’t disagree with mine in some pea-brained way).  I won’t comment on them because…uh, my hands shake too much when I try.

22. Jacqueline Limpens

One trillion for war.
The poor denied insurance.
U.S. Death Panel.

23. Susan Schwartz

Let’s hope the Senate
Can help defeat this outrage.
Go, Joe Lieberman!

Humorous - Humor is something I am vaguely familiar with.  Once I had my third beer, I laughed hard at the following haikus:

24. #1 Dinosaur

*Yawn* Been there, done that.
Didn’t I win this last year?
(Thanks for the llama.)

RL: Dino’s haiku won her a GLA and is proudly posted on the front page of this blog for all to see.  She is getting pretty cocky, though.  I hope I don’t get that smug when I write my book.

25. Kim

WORK for the Llama?
No one ever told me THAT.
Thinking of haiku

RL: Kim captures the essence of writing something that basically says nothing.  That is a staple of this blog.

Huh? – Finally is a group of haikus that made me scratch my head.  I have a feeling it has to do with the density of the skull under my itch, but I just had a hard time figuring them out.

26. Catherine Fairchild Calhoun

If you give away
the milk for free who will buy
the cow (and llama).

RL:  This was inspired by this article in the NY times.  I think I am just being dense on this one, so can you please explain?

27. Lael Stimers Beckwith

I don’t want to pay
More than healthcare costs because
The “Man” can’t keep track.

RL:  I guess I would understand it better if I knew who the “Man” is.  Is it Richard Simmons?

28. Tanja Cilia

Snake oil, fish livers;
Antibiotics, asp’rin..?.
One and the same thing!

RL: I actually understand this one…I think.  I just wonder about telling a doctor that antibiotics and aspirin are like snake oil.

29. Catherine Fairchild Calhoun

When strangers in O
Canada offer to home
my sick son think hcrwtf.

RL:  Catherine’s son BB has a chronic genetic disorder.  I understand this one perfectly.  I just don’t quite know how to pronounce that last word.

30. Leslie Brockway

Stop the wastefulness
While jobs lost not an issue
Feds might hire one more

RL: Hire one more?  Which one?  I probably shouldn’t have had that third beer.

31. Cerulean Bill

Smiling politicos promise ,
The Grim Reaper cares
Not.

RL:  Perhaps the people in Cerulea have different rules about haiku, but this one goes 8-6-1 (which I think was the record of the Chicago Bears last year).

32. Jonathan Lamberts

Healthcare reform is
good for the people and stuff.
Llama llama yay.

RL:  I don’t know who this Jonathan person is, but he seems quite the scholar.  I am sure he’s doing quite well in college (He had better be).

That’s all of them.  Let me know what you think and if you are in the “Huh” category, please help me.  This shows that I am clearly writing up to my readers, as they are quite smart and talented people.

Thanks to all who participated!

This material, written by me, is free to re-post and share under the Creative Commons agreement. In other words, use it all you want; just give me credit.
  • Old Geezer

    Nice set of submissions. I’d tell you which one to pick, but you’re the doctor.

    • Rob

      I always take advice from a Geezer.

  • Old Geezer

    Nice set of submissions. I’d tell you which one to pick, but you’re the doctor.

    • Rob

      I always take advice from a Geezer.

  • Jim Wilson

    Amy Larsen: Please help us Dr. Spock!
    RL: I am not vulcan.

    Uh, Dr Spock is/was the pediatrician author. The Star Trek Vulcan guy was Mr Spock, with no pretensions to medical expertise. That was Bones’ department. You need to watch more cult TV. :-)

    • Rob

      I knew that. He was a guru in his time. I was a devotee of the old Star Trek.

  • Jim Wilson

    Amy Larsen: Please help us Dr. Spock!
    RL: I am not vulcan.

    Uh, Dr Spock is/was the pediatrician author. The Star Trek Vulcan guy was Mr Spock, with no pretensions to medical expertise. That was Bones’ department. You need to watch more cult TV. :-)

    • Rob

      I knew that. He was a guru in his time. I was a devotee of the old Star Trek.

  • Catherine Calhoun

    Hello Rob,

    The milk cow llama . . .

    That NYT article is about the economics of creating a system that will ultimately punish/dissuade financial success in the context of health insurance, if you make more money, you lose your subsidy . . .

    Makes me think of that old saying,

    if you give the milk for free, no one is gonna buy the cow – usually in the context of romance and young people, marriage being the buy the cow . . . don’t moms tell their girls that in Georgia too?

    Anyway, if you create a system that punishes financial gains then who will take that better job, etc. become more independent, go for it – at the risk of losing something they think is a sure thing . . . no one is gonna buy the cow/work to get off the subsidy . . .

    I know seems kind of Republican of me, but the whole HCR is making me crazy!
    : )

    CC

  • Catherine Calhoun

    Hello Rob,

    The milk cow llama . . .

    That NYT article is about the economics of creating a system that will ultimately punish/dissuade financial success in the context of health insurance, if you make more money, you lose your subsidy . . .

    Makes me think of that old saying,

    if you give the milk for free, no one is gonna buy the cow – usually in the context of romance and young people, marriage being the buy the cow . . . don’t moms tell their girls that in Georgia too?

    Anyway, if you create a system that punishes financial gains then who will take that better job, etc. become more independent, go for it – at the risk of losing something they think is a sure thing . . . no one is gonna buy the cow/work to get off the subsidy . . .

    I know seems kind of Republican of me, but the whole HCR is making me crazy!
    : )

    CC

  • Old Geezer

    Catherine, I grew up (and by that I mean I entered the work force and operated as a part of it for a long time) during a time when people who earned very high incomes had marginal tax rates that were in the 90% range. I never heard anyone say, “Oh don’t give me that raise, it will make me a pauper!” There was the laughable claim that people who got small raises got smaller checks, but I never saw it actually happen. People who bring home $10,000 won’t be able to buy $14,000 of insurance and so will clog our emergency rooms. People who bring home $100,000 probably could consider health insurance as more important than buying another new car this year. People who bring home $1,000,000 will probably not be hurt by being asked to help their fellow man stay healthy enough to work at the firm so it can afford to pay those million dollar salaries. Helping those who are in need is at least a 2,000 year old concept that I’m pretty sure is taught in Georgia.

  • Old Geezer

    Catherine, I grew up (and by that I mean I entered the work force and operated as a part of it for a long time) during a time when people who earned very high incomes had marginal tax rates that were in the 90% range. I never heard anyone say, “Oh don’t give me that raise, it will make me a pauper!” There was the laughable claim that people who got small raises got smaller checks, but I never saw it actually happen. People who bring home $10,000 won’t be able to buy $14,000 of insurance and so will clog our emergency rooms. People who bring home $100,000 probably could consider health insurance as more important than buying another new car this year. People who bring home $1,000,000 will probably not be hurt by being asked to help their fellow man stay healthy enough to work at the firm so it can afford to pay those million dollar salaries. Helping those who are in need is at least a 2,000 year old concept that I’m pretty sure is taught in Georgia.

  • Catherine Calhoun

    Old Geezer, it was sort of a joke. As mom to a severely physically disabled child, I am familiar with the concept of helping those in need. I am mom to one of the most vulnerable around, something akin to this,
    http://www.disruptivewomen.net/2009/08/27/the-fate-of-children-young-adults-with-chronic-medical-conditions-disabilities/.

    :: CC

  • Catherine Calhoun

    Old Geezer, it was sort of a joke. As mom to a severely physically disabled child, I am familiar with the concept of helping those in need. I am mom to one of the most vulnerable around, something akin to this,
    http://www.disruptivewomen.net/2009/08/27/the-fate-of-children-young-adults-with-chronic-medical-conditions-disabilities/.

    :: CC

  • Old Geezer

    Catherine, my apologies for assuming. It’s just that I am so tired of hearing that stepping up and providing health care for all people, no matter the method, is somehow wrong because it might keep someone at a particular level from affording one more platinum necklace. The article you referenced, IMHO, suggests that the fact there are costs associated with providing health care to those who can’t afford it only exist because of the cost of insurance and somehow those costs wouldn’t exist for folks who would otherwise not be insured and ended up sick. It was the lack of balance in the article that set me off.

    Let’s go enjoy some haiku.

  • Old Geezer

    Catherine, my apologies for assuming. It’s just that I am so tired of hearing that stepping up and providing health care for all people, no matter the method, is somehow wrong because it might keep someone at a particular level from affording one more platinum necklace. The article you referenced, IMHO, suggests that the fact there are costs associated with providing health care to those who can’t afford it only exist because of the cost of insurance and somehow those costs wouldn’t exist for folks who would otherwise not be insured and ended up sick. It was the lack of balance in the article that set me off.

    Let’s go enjoy some haiku.

  • http://warmsocks.wordpress.com/ WarmSocks

    Some good submissions.
    Glad I’m not the one to choose.
    Can I vote for eight?

  • http://warmsocks.wordpress.com/ WarmSocks

    Some good submissions.
    Glad I’m not the one to choose.
    Can I vote for eight?

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